Welcome to Ask the Alien™. questions and answers 16-30.
Your burning questions about aliens, UFO’s, extraterrestrial beings, area 51, alien abduction, crop circles, science, religion, global warming, etc., are answered by our local alien representative. It’s the best extraterrestrial advice in the Universe!
As a consolation prize, please enjoy this nice, white jacket. It’s a little snug in the shoulders, but it suits you. And come to think of it, it might have looked pretty good on Elvis, too.
Our species, or at least some part of it, does have a planet of origin, dating from eons ago. But we don’t often bring it up, because it’s kind of hard to believe, even though it’s purely coincidental. The fact is, however, that by amazing and rather embarrassing coincidence, the planet’s name was “Kotex.”
I’ve heard all the jokes, and I’m sick of them. So anyone who laughs gets an anal probe. Don’t test me.
Actually, there are many theories as to what may have happened to your grandpa’s feet, but none of them involve us aliens. The most popular theory is that the right foot was taken by the Soviets, while his left was taken by the Nazis. We don’t know for sure exactly how or why it was done, but we do know this: it happened very, very quickly. Only French pilots have managed to lose their feet faster, and in many cases, it turned out that they had themselves collaborated in their theft.
Seems our early pilots kept falling through the bottom of their crafts.
At any rate, we believe all species inherently have this ability. You, too, can walk through solid objects if you try hard enough.
Giving away advanced technology isn’t like getting a lollipop at the barber shop, Chloe. Well, that’s not exactly true. I have no hair. So it’s fair to say that humans get technology from us about as often as I get those lollipops.
2. See above.
2. I don’t have a “home planet,” strictly speaking, but I’m happy to breathe whatever’s available.
3. Although you humans don’t exactly have what I consider to be a “mind,” I believe that right now you’re thinking, “How does he know I’m not really from Antarctica?”
Anyway, what you feed them will depend, naturally, on what kind of aliens you’re taking care of. It’s entirely possible, however, that some of your aliens may eat you before you get a chance to go shopping anyway.
I’m therefore recommending that Ari feed you to his orphan aliens. Thanks for participating!
Also, Earth is a very welcoming planet, believe it or not. For instance, they have never once considered banishing you, even though you pester me so and hardly let anyone else get in a word edgewise. Seriously. I don’t HAVE to keep coming back here, you know.
Is that enough “itelect” for you?
That must be what you’re asking, because I KNOW you’re not asking me the same question that I’ve been asked and have answered two or three times already.
If I could be any kind of tree, I would be a tree that nobody ever asks about its home planet.