ask the alien 286-300

Welcome to Ask the Alien™. Questions and answers 286-300.

Your burning questions about aliens, UFO’s, extraterrestrial beings, area 51, alien abduction, crop circles, science, religion, global warming, etc., are answered by our local alien representative. It’s the best extraterrestrial advice in the Universe!

Brad Asks:

Can I probe Your Queen Can I live with you guys Can I Have Your Email Address I beleive in you guys
I’m going to go out on a limb an guess that you’re working off the script from “Aliens” here. We haven’t got a “queen,” per se, in either the political or the breeding sense, though we do have females. Probing them, of course, is their call, but they’re usually really, really turned on by punctuation. So good luck.

Jared Asks:

Did you aliens really crash at Roswell, NEW Mexico? If so what was the species that crashed
Are you the Subway guy? I’ll tell you if you get me some of that low-fat chicken teriyaki. Man, that’s an awesome sandwich.

Anyway, I don’t keep track of every drunk alien who wanders into the neighborhood, and although I’m as curious as the next alien, I try not to rubberneck at crash sites I pass by. So I don’t really have an answer on this one. But whoever it was, they totaled a choice ride. That thing was a classic. What a shame.

Henry Asks:

do you abduct squirrels? they rock
We’ve never actually abducted a squirrel. Unlike humans, they’re very cautious, and usually take evasive action when we approach. That’s really kind of a higher life function that you guys should think about, actually.

Marcos Asks:

Why are the aliens here what do they whant and will i ever be abducted ever or the bad people only.
Again, I don’t know why everyone in the universe comes here, but I’m here on business. I just want peace and quiet to get my job done, and an occasional seafood dinner. It’s entirely possible that you may one day be abducted. It only rarely has anything to do with your personality. Rather, all we’re looking for are people who are bodily intact and conveniently located. Oh, and slow on their feet.

Maiteh Asks:

I´m writing an essay for school about you guys, and I want to know why you abduct people???and if not what happens to them???………..are you a fake??do aliens really exist
Another one asking me to do his homework. OK, I’ll be as specific as possible. We abduct people for medical study. And if not, then, well, nothing happens to them. Was that really your question? You’re going to fail this essay. Unless the essay is a fake. Does it really exist?

Zeldan Asks:

WHEN AN OPEN CONTACT ALIENS-HUMANS WILL BE REALISED
WHEN ALL YOUR SECRET BANK ACCOUNTS ARE BELONGING TO US.

Marcos Asks:

Are you aliens evil people and do you have a god like jesus?
We’re not people at all, of course. We don’t have anyone I know of that’s quite like Jesus, although I do know a guy who accidentally stapled one of his hands to a board, if that counts.

Mia Asks:

Ok. The Government says there is no such thing as aliens, so why are they so protective about people not coming in contact with them and they don’t tell us any imformation about aliens?
The government also says the Iraqis had weapons of mass destruction, and ketchup is a vegetable. What are you listening to those guys for?

Renee Asks:

Can you dismember yourself and do you have veins or arteries?
I think anybody can dismember themselves, at least up until the last remaining arm. Then it gets complicated.

And I do have quite a collection of veins and arteries, thank you for asking!

Liz Asks:

This is a completely serious topic. Number one, my sadistic school teachers are attempting to teach us “space science” which is why I somehow wound up on an alien site in my free period, and number two – Isn’t this a children’s site? You realise kids look at this stuff? Like if my five year old brother had some kind of disturbing obsession with aliens, and he came here and read all of these questions? He would be TRAUMATISED. Shouldn’t you censor this or something? Am I talking too much?
Number one isn’t a question at all, which leads me to believe the time spent on “space science” is better spent on grammar. Or possibly honing your Internet search skills.

Number two, however, is a question, and a serious one at that. I’ll address the last part first. Yes, you’re talking too much. But we don’t consider this a “children’s” site. We do try to keep things around the PG-13 level, but the anal fixations of many of our correspondents make this difficult.

If your five year old brother had some kind of disturbing obsession with aliens and THEN came here, as your question assumes, I’d say your troubles began at home.

Besides, I have watched Australian Rules Football on TV, and frankly, I think most five year olds have a greater chance of being traumatized by THAT.

Byron Asks:

when will us humans start using your fying saucers ?
When pigs fy.

Karyn Asks:

why do aliens not come down to say HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Fear of excessive punctuation.
GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Sarah Asks:

from the book hatchet when does the novel take place?what detailssuggest this time period?
The novel takes place in 1987. The detail suggesting this time period? The copyright date.

Student Asks:

Will you please abduct my math teacher Mrs. Henry or just send an army to capture her ?
It depends. Is Mrs. Henry on a westbound train leaving New York at 45 miles per hour? Because that will make things more difficult.

Skeletor Asks:

Do you know where the rest of the sacred sites of the wingmakers are?… We know of the one in Mexico… the rest is a mystery… I also need to know why there is a intra-dimention device that you need to get into our reality? I thought aliens did not need the help of humans?
I think they got tired of all the work after building the first one in Mexico. Have you been there? It’s really easy to get sidetracked. I don’t know anything about the use of an “intra-demention” device. You may mean an intra-demension device, but intra-dementia would explain a lot of the questions I get.