ask the alien 61-75

Welcome to Ask the Alien™. questions and answers 61-75.

Your burning questions about aliens, UFO’s, extraterrestrial beings, area 51, alien abduction, crop circles, science, religion, global warming, etc., are answered by our local alien representative. It’s the best extraterrestrial advice in the Universe!

Gavin Asks:

Where did the illinois triangle come from?
You mean originally, or where was it before it went to Illinois?
I don’t know if the crew is actually all from the same planet, but I think they went to college together. They now share an apartment together in Hoboken, New Jersey, but work in Manhattan.

Before appearing in Illinois, the triangle made occasional flights in and around the crew’s Metro New York base, and is currently available for corporate outings, weddings and Bar Mitzvahs.

Curious Boy Asks:

Hey are mudvayne aliens too?
Good question. They sure look like a bunch of oddballs. I’ll have to get together with them and see what I can find out.

I can tell you, now, that GWAR were aliens. True, it’s something they’ve always admitted to. But did you know they’re transgender?

Guinatagu Asks:

Do you hybrid?
Is this a proposition? I thought alcohol was illegal in Afghanistan. It’s enough to make you nostalgic for the Taliban.

Hey, do you know the guy in the horse suit? Would you like to meet him?

Andrew Asks:

What do you guys look like ?
I look exactly like a t-shirt. In fact, it’s impossible to tell me from one of the quality products available for purchase here on Go ahead, buy one and see if you can tell whether it’s me that comes in the mail, or just a t-shirt.

Eli Asks:

Can you change into human form?
I can make a casual observer perceive me in human form, if that counts.

Not to harp on a theme, but I find that doing that hurts t-shirt sales. Who wants a shirt with a picture of a regular old human on it? It doesn’t generate a lot of excitement around the Christmas Tree, if you know what I mean.
By the way, the human form in which I’m most often perceived? Abe Vigoda.

Shalu Asks:

Hey dear, I think I am in love with u, will u love me too? I want to see u. Will u come to see me?
Happens all the time, Shalu, but I appreciate the compliment.

You know the answer by now, and you know where you can find me. I think we have a line of thongs that may be appropriate in this case.

Reuben Asks:

Why havent aliens made contact with someone impotant like the presedent??? Please ubduct me soon.
Reuben, your spelling is atrocious!

I believe the correct spelling is “impotent.”

Dick Asks:

am i going to get laid?
It depends. How do you feel about horse costumes?

Demi Asks:

Can you teach me how to make crop circles?
Sure, I’d be happy to! As soon as you’ve constructed your craft and successfully tested your propulsion system, just swing on by for a free lesson! Be sure it works, though. It’s no fun for anyone if we just make large, charred crop blobs.

Bethany Asks:

Why are humans so stupid?
You’re not stupid, you just don’t know any better. Frankly, you just need to be “liberated,” and with a little “regime change,” you’ll all be much happier, not to mention smarter and more productive.

Trust me. It’s a universal truth.

Khalil Asks:

I would like to be abducted if you abducted me what whould you do?
It depends on why we abduct you. Sometimes it’s for medical experiments. Sometimes it’s to pay off gambling debts. Sometimes it’s for domestic or clerical help.

Those of you interested in being abducted should consider how you might answer some of our questions:

Do you have any special skills we should know about? How soon can you be abducted? Do you see yourself being abducted five years from now? Ten years from now? Why did you leave your last abductor?

Khalil Asks:

Do you aleins belive in a superior knowledge. . . .if so who?
Yes. We call him “Spell-Checker.”

Khalil Asks:

I would like to be abducted.
I imagine there are a lot of people who would like to see you abducted, Khalil.
If you insist on having aliens do it, I’m gonna have to outsource this one.

Khalil Asks:

Do you know the Story Behind the burmuta triangle. . . . ??
Yes. It is a mysterious force that has apparently swallowed your “log off” function. Go outside. Get some sunshine. Your vitamin D deficiency is effecting your spelling.

Sally Asks:

will you give me an enema?
No, but that is a fantastic idea for a reality dating show! Does anyone have any contacts at Fox?