Welcome to Ask the Alien™. Questions and answers 181-195.
Your burning questions about aliens, UFO’s, extraterrestrial beings, area 51, alien abduction, crop circles, science, religion, global warming, etc., are answered by our local alien representative. It’s the best extraterrestrial advice in the Universe!
What type of lanuage do you speak
Among colleagues, I speak telepathically. With humans, I mostly mimic their coos and gibberish.
do aliens exist?
I try not to merely exist, but to live each moment to its fullest. Insofar as this job permits, anyway. You people are a bit of a drain. But I keep myself upbeat by constantly reminding myself that education is a noble profession.
Please reference the science fiction story from the fifties/sixties about the alien lifeforms which were willingly “adopted” by both gender earthlings and lived in their genital/exhaust area as a sort-of “undergarment”. Thank you for your time.
Why are you wearing that raincoat? And do you have asthma or something? You’re breathing funny.
how often do crop circle’s form?
It mostly happens around the time when there are, well, crops.
Is it true that corn comes from aliens and that is why no matter how much you chew it, it will come out whole in the end?
Corn does not come from aliens, but I do have a solution for what sounds like a fairly painful problem. Try eating just the kernels from the outside, and throwing the cob away.
I’ve noticed that you guys don’t have genetalia, how is it that you guys can tell the males from the females?
Hmm. Interstellar space travel? No, thanks. Telepathic communication? No, thanks. I wanna know how you play “Doctor.”
We have ways. I mean, let’s face it, what you’re saying here is, “You all look alike to me,” which is a pretty insulting and dismissive thing to say, really.
I mean, most humans don’t get the opportunity to see the genitalia of other humans they pass on the street, but nobody asks how you can tell the males from the females. You have your ways, we have ours.
If your group is kind enough to share some of your technology with us, will you expect a share of the production, and what percent of production do you all consider fair?
If we decide to share our technology with you, there’ll probably be a reason good enough that we won’t have to enter an actual contract with you. Typically, you’re not all that good at keeping promises. And besides, you’d probably just outsource the production anyway.
Dear, Ask The Alien, If I get impregnated by aliens is there anyway I could keep my child?
Sure. They’ll keep fairly well in the refrigerator for up to ten days, but for longer term storage, I recommend formaldehyde.
Will I find a job I really enjoy in the very near future?
Maybe, although I would recommend trying to find one you’d enjoy right away.
What do you think of earthling before you came to earth. Like the things you received from satellite on television.
Well, I was really intrigued by your programming, that’s for sure. In fact, one of the biggest reasons I agreed to sign on for the mission was to see for myself whether you were really black and white.
Any of y’all surf(ride water waves) on other planets?
Absolutely! Haven’t you seen our surf t-shirts? My colleagues and I come from varied planets, races and backgrounds, but we almost all enjoy nothing more than hanging… well, whatever number each individual has to hang, I guess.
Can a human have an alien soulmate?
No, but our powers of telepathy can make it feel that way.
Are you my mother?
No, and if you ask me that again I am going to turn this spacecraft around and take you right back home, missy.
how meany crop circle have been sighted?
None of them. For the record, they can’t speak, either.
I have the belief of extraterrestials and the like.. people say.. ‘if you dream to be abducted you will be’. My thoughts about space and aliens and ufo’s stems from childhood.. yet to this day i have never been abducted. What makes the abductee’s special or chosen? I only wish this would happen to me.. thanks for your time… rob dorish regina, saskatchewan, canada
There’s usually nothing special about abductees. They’re supposed to be typical specimens. Mostly we just wait around for one of you to walk into whatever trap we’ve laid out for you. Like traffic cops.