Welcome to Ask the Alien™. Questions and answers 241-255.
Your burning questions about aliens, UFO’s, extraterrestrial beings, area 51, alien abduction, crop circles, science, religion, global warming, etc., are answered by our local alien representative. It’s the best extraterrestrial advice in the Universe!
Is Brittany Spears an alien? If not she is hiding two aliens in her shirt.
It’s certainly possible she’s hiding aliens in there. Interestingly, our scanners indicate they’re silicon-based life forms. I think I know those guys. I should ask them if they want to hang out.
Does he love me?
Hmm. I don’t know. Why don’t you show me what you do with him when you’re alone and I’ll see if I can make an educated guess?
Ken a.k.a Rusty Asks:
hi its me rusty you guys are lagging on my anal probing qustions so hers another one is big foot an alien or just chewbacca’s cousin?
Wouldn’t Chewbacca’s cousin also be an alien? Stay with the program, Ken.
hey when you abduct someone why is it always a hick or a redneck?why dont you just abduct some head of state?do aliens have some fetish for rednecks and hicks
Let’s see if you can answer this one for yourself. Why don’t you start by estimating the annual budget for Secret Service protection for hicks and rednecks, and I’ll see if I can help you from there?
Secret Government Agent Asks:
um cough cough…..i am a tourist…in the united states and i would like to know your exact location….this isnt a trick or anything, cough cough, so if u could get back to me on that id aprreciate it, thank you
My exact location is at my internist’s, making sure I’m vaccinated against your tuberculosis.
goverment age…bob Asks:
i would like to know if we could meet and see some of your alien technology and possibly go inside my house and umm talk.hehe
Are you the guy who mistook me for a little girl and offered me some candy last week? By the way, you really ought to wash that van of yours.
what exackly do you probe humans with,and do you like canada? dam canadians
We have a variety of medical instruments used for probing, and no, I don’t like to use Canada for such purposes. It wouldn’t fit in most people, anyway.
goverment age…bob Asks:
hello i am a typical american turist and i was wondering if you have anny “instalations”in america and where they would be.p.s.if you mind i would like to meet you in person,if you se anny black hellacopters thats nothing
I’m hoping these “installations” you’re referring to aren’t some kind of euphemism for probing. I’m a little tired of that subject, frankly.
was the human race seeded by aliens?
It has been, at times. A friend of mine particularly enjoys humans in a sesame seed crust.
do aliens get high and do they like it do they have meth labs or somthing simular and do they sell them is there an alien Achoholics anomonus sorry for the spelling iam high
Altitude-wise, we’re almost always high. And thanks for the tip about your spelling. I would never have put your obsession with drugs together with your total lack of writing ability, but now it seems so obvious.
My question is to the alien is! when are you coming to get me because, i been waitting for you for two years and if you dont come and pick me up soon im going to leave for sure. lol.. I mean Bro come on!!! lol no serious.. my question is did god make you? Or did you make god? Or is there even a god out there.. and if there is a god then have you seen him? Did you talk to him? Is he nice? lol Um, My thought is that.. He made you all frist trying to make humans but, you were to advance. and stuff so he kinda put you on another plantent to teach us something.. or do you have a diffrent god…? Please tell me… I hope this is more creative then you ever had before.. Bye Danielle Ali
That’s an awful lot of questions there, Danielle. And I see you are a very deep and spiritual person, which must be very rewarding for you. As you might imagine, there are as many concepts of god as there are alien races, and indeed alien individuals (not counting drone members of collective broods). Myself, I am still struggling with my concept of creation. Are we created in God’s image? And if so, why does God have such an enormous head, and no mouth? No mouth. Can you imagine that? Why does God mock me, sending me letters full of “LOLs?” Do you know the pain of not being able to “LOL?” Seriously, do you? Because if you don’t, I have some medical instruments that can approximate it.
how are you doing,buuuudy
I’m an ultra-intelligent alien life form, answering the drive-by questions of an entire planet’s worth of bored stoners. How do you think I’m doing?
WHO ARE YOU?
Who am I? I’m the Canadian Prime Minister. Now do you know who I am? No? I didn’t think so. Neither does anyone else.
where do you live?
Wherever I am, hopefully.
if you had the chance would you destroy the earth or just kill everyone and mine the mineral?
I can’t think of any good reason to destroy this planet. But I’m kind of a packrat. I don’t throw anything out.