Welcome to Ask the Alien™. Questions and answers 301-315.
Your burning questions about aliens, UFO’s, extraterrestrial beings, area 51, alien abduction, crop circles, science, religion, global warming, etc., are answered by our local alien representative. It’s the best extraterrestrial advice in the Universe!
Troy Asks:
Dear Alien, i am a big fan of your kind, if you will please admit to the world that you are real i whould be so happy
Of course I’m real. Now, if you will please admit to the world that there are former Nazis living in your country, that’d make my day.
Troy Asks:
Hello family aliens, oh isnt this great i have to stay on this stuiped earth for thirteen years oh i cant wait till i get to leave theres no leptiods here this is just great can you get me on the abduction team
Hmm. Sort of a question there at the end. Say, have you met Troy from Argentina? You two should get together. Anyway, we don’t typically accept humans on our abduction teams. When we do it, that’s one thing. We’re not subject to the jurisdiction of your courts. When you do it, it’s kidnapping, and it’s just a whole huge legal thing. Sorry. Our lawyers won’t let us do it.
Cory Asks:
was jesus an alien?????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you see “The Passion of the Christ?” Do you think an alien would have put up with that nonsense?
Snewsh Asks:
does your society have something like ultra-porn?if so can i get some,buuuuuudy?
We don’t have anything of our own that could be described that way, but I’ve become something of a foreign film buff since discovering this genre. My colleagues and I have learned much about your culture this way. For instance, we had no idea how important pool boys were in your society.
Vinny Asks:
hey wats happing, have u been working out
What? Oh, these are implants. It’s one of the side effects of having a lot of time on your hands, and a lot of surgical equipment just lying around.
Julianne Asks:
Do you have gotts?
Sure. We’ve got quite a collection. Is there something in particular you’re looking for? Make us an offer.
Kaleb Asks:
how do you get obducted by aliens
I work mostly for bribes. And yes, I take PayPal.
Mithotyn Asks:
Hello Alien ambassador.. My question is in regard to Parallel Universes/Parallel Dimensions. What I wonder to myself most is, whether these other Dimensions exist, are they occupied with life/consciousness, and are they accessible to Humans at this point in time..
Parallel universes and parallel dimensions are very much like hot South Beach nightclubs. They appear to exist, and lots of people talk about them, but most humans have a very difficult time getting in.
Cory Asks:
do you aliens have anny super ray cannons,much like the one from star wars called the death star,if so can i hacve one,please,ill be your friend?
I’m not entirely sure I could trust you with one, Cory. I feel a great disturbance from your writing, as if millions of English teachers suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.
Jason Asks:
Are you a paricitic spesis
No, but my crew and I are covered by an HMO, so I’m familiar with them.
Essi Asks:
what can I do against wombles in my room?
From what I understand of German privacy law, you can do pretty much anything you want to.
Count Countess Asks:
I am married- if I have sex with a alien- is this cheating?
Not from the point of view of the alien. Unless you “fake it,” of course.
Sam Asks:
where can i get an alien?
Good question, Sam. I don’t know if I’ll ever “get” humans.
Wipp Asks:
am i bad ?
You don’t smell bad. I think you’ll keep.
Kelsey Asks:
Has your species ever been to Earth?
Does Canada count?
