ask the alien 106-120

Welcome to Ask the Alien™. questions and answers 106-120.

Your burning questions about aliens, UFO’s, extraterrestrial beings, area 51, alien abduction, crop circles, science, religion, global warming, etc., are answered by our local alien representative. It’s the best extraterrestrial advice in the Universe!

Loser Asks:

So please explain the whole Roswell crash. You can come light years to our planet and then run into it, hell we can do that with our inferior technology. The crashing thing, not the light years thing. Which leads to my second question do you serve intoxicants on your ships, or just get into the human tranquilizers once in a while?
Did you ever see the tape of the Roswell autopsy? Look closely at the sides of the “aliens” heads. They’re crash test dummies, dummy.

As for your second question, they don’t serve any intoxicants on any ship I’ve ever worked on, although they do on some commercial flights. As for whether or not we “get into” human tranquilizers, I guess the answer to that is that it depends on what you mean by “get into.” I mean, you’re what I’d call a human tranquilizer, and I doubt whether anybody is seriously “into” you.

Hey, just kidding! I’m a kidder. I kid because I love.

Now, go buy a product.

BigDog Asks:

Does BF42 suck?
I certainly think so. That war’s over, and I think you should keep a sharp eye on anyone who wants to pretend to change the results. But that’s part of the problem with you humans. ou spend a lot of time and energy reenacting your worst moments.

Nunnya Asks:

Is my teacher Mr Jones an alien?Do aliens eat with their bottoms(butt)
Hmm. Interesting. Not even so much as a pseudonym. Teacher’s name is supposedly, “Mr. Jones.” Questions about butts.

Not much to go on here. But I’m willing to hazard a guess. First, I am guessing that “Mr. Jones” is not an alien. Second, I am guessing that he is your creative writing teacher. Third, I am guessing that you will fail and Mr. Jones will be fired.

Now, as to whether aliens eat with their bottoms, I can only answer for myself: I am rarely without mine.

Remy Asks:

Where is the next place you wish to abduct from?
If it’s up to me, I’d like to try to make an abduction right from the stage during a debate in the California recall election. Almost anything you catch will likely be an interesting specimen, and some of them won’t even need their memories erased if we give them an anal probe. Or anesthetic, from what I hear.

John Asks:

first thing you are not an alien!you are a person trying to be an alien. and the aliens said its not time for humans to find out to much of them! and if you were an alien you WOULD know me real name and my age since you aliens are telepathic!
OK, “John.” The name of the game is “Ask the Alien.” My “telepathic” powers tell me that even in Australia, they’re using these newfangled things they call “question marks.” Look into it next time you want to ask me something.

Sounds to me like you met a female alien in a bar somewhere. You asked for her number, and she told you it wasn’t time for humans to find out much about her. No big deal, it happens to the best of us. I don’t see why you need to take it out on me.

Of course, if I really was telepathic, I WOULD see why you needed to take it out on me, right?

Anyway, I do enjoy a power not unlike that which you humans describe as “telepathy.” That is, I can “hear” your broadcast “thoughts.” But to know what you’re thinking, there still has to be a strong point source signal. Get my drift?

Joel Asks:

do you eat with your butts?
Whoa. This is incredible.

Joel, do you have a teacher named “Mr. Jones,” by any chance?

I refer you to the answer I gave some moments ago. And I’ll add that there’s an old alien proverb that says, “Don’t probe where you eat.” Draw your own conclusions.

Joe Asks:

have you taken over our presidents brain
Oh, wait! Over — have I taken OVER your president’s brain? No! Not “over,” per se.

Kate Winslet Asks:

you uys are fake this website and all on it! i dont belive!
That’s OK. Nobody believes you’re Kate Winslet, either.

Snappy Asks:

are you controlling president bushes brain.canyou take over peoples bodies?can you hybrid.if not your stupid if yes you a lunitic!this sit is totally fake!
Your first question assumes too much.

As for taking over human bodies, I’ve never tried. Most of them are kind of flabby, anyway, and I’m not sure it’d be a worthwhile or enjoyable experience.

It is fascinating though, given how flabby most human bodies are, that you persist in your interest in cross-breeding with aliens. That seems to be a recurring theme here at “Ask the Alien.” Are we that hot?

Good Asks:

i hate you!!you anrt real!!!!i agree with john!!!!!!!theres no such thing as A-L-I-E-N-S!!!!!!!!!!!!!so if i were you id cancel this site and hit the road jack!!

I had heard that there’s a lot of anger building in the Middle East, but this is ridiculous.

Anyway, we can’t afford to be too bothered by these kinds of accusations, even if they do use an insufferable number of exclamation points. Besides, it’s to our advantage that humans remain doubtful about our existence and our presence. For one thing, it keeps our question queue manageable. For another, the fewer the number of flabby humans hinting lustily about hybridization, the better.

Jack Asks:

do aliens have abs
No. We fly almost everywhere we go. Only wheeled vehicles have any use for anti-lock brakes.

Alien Lover Asks:

canyou hybrid me into an alien i would really appreciate it
Wow. With all the action I could be getting, maybe I should be running for governor of California.

Alien Asks:

do you aliens want to join us aliens
Is this another cross-breeding question, or did you just mean, like, for lunch or something?

Me Asks:

This is so childest “Ask the alien”, take a break dude!!! Jesus Christ man, this is really childest.
Do they have question marks in the Netherlands? Or is that too “childest?”

What’s with all the anger and disbelief lately, anyway? Have I somehow been mistaken for a candidate for governor of California?

Remy Asks:

Do you have a strange voice?
Hmm. Let’s see.


Nope. Same one I’ve always had.